Tequila, A love story!

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, Amor!!

 

        I haven’t had a HARD drink in a LONG time! Last week, I broke down and ended up drinking like a Vietnam War Veteran. I decided to put on a big girl bib and toss a few down the hatch.  Those of you who know me, know that ” a few” can turn into a world record for a woman my height and weight, hence why I’ve tried to not fall off the wagon this year. Did you know the term “on the wagon” is from the 1990’s and refers to a water wagon?!  PUSSIES!  What’s water got to do with being drunk?  Then again maybe the water back then was so busted it DID get you drunk!  Now I’m wishing for simpler times! YEE HAW!  

I do 2 things when I get drunk:

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Top 5 Ways To Put a Guy Into the “Friend Zone”

Top 5 ways to put a guy into the “Friend Zone”.

First of all, some of you may not even be familiar with the ” friend zone”. It’s a place that every man tries, with all his manly might, to avoid. It’s that place between a walk in the park, and a “roll in the hay”.  It’s a zone where a dick goes limp and the balls grow blue.  Sometimes, as women, we are FORCED to put a guy into a friend zone because we don’t want to hurt his feelings by telling him WE just aren’t THAT interested.  Being a chick myself, I can speak from experience and say, I’ve had to get creative in my attempts to put a dude into the friend’s zone.  Men, by nature, like a challenge so a girl needs to dig into her bag of tricks to try to make a guy just want to be your friend and not get a ticket to your ‘vagina monologue’.  Here’s a few of my tricks for getting a guy to realize he’s only going to be playing with his X-Box not yours.

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Bikini Contest Sluts

A story about entering a bikini contest with my dad present.

If you’ve ever entered a bikini contest then you are a slut.  Now if that made you mad at me it’s because A: you’ve been in a bikini contest and only did it ‘because your girlfriends dared you’ (slut) and/or B: you know you’re just a slut.  I’ve been in 3 bikini contests.  One of which my boyfriend AND my father were in the audience.  That’s just some incestuous and slutty shit right there.  Let me tell you how it went down.

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Hey Peeps!

Welcome to my NEW blog page!  Everyone and their mother has got one of these fucking things so I decided to hop on the rails of the crazy train as well!

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